To All The Women Who Have Been Objectified By The Church...
To All The Women Who Have Been Objectified By The Church...
by Jennifer Moodie
7/23/20
What does it mean to objectify someone?
noun: the act or an instance of treating a person as an object or thing: The objectification of women in the media teaches girls that all they have to offer is their body and face, and they should expend all their effort on physical appearance
Dear women. I'm so sorry. You have been told by the world that your worth, your value, and your ability to be desired is in your sex appeal and looks. You have been looked at as something to consume rather than a person to be known intimately, loved, and cherished. TV ads use your bodies to sell products. Hollywood uses your bodies to get viewers. Pornography uses your bodies for pleasure, no matter your consent or not, but often without it. Pornography separates your body from who you are. All around you, you are only seen through the lens of how men view you.
I'm sorry that you are told you need to have a certain body type. Your skin must be a certain shade and flawless. Your legs need to be a certain length. Your body must be hairless. Your waist a certain size. Your measurements and the scale must be certain numbers. You must dress in a way that makes you appealing. Your lips must be plump and your lashes long. Filters are constantly being made and apps developed to alter your appearance to be more “appealing”. You are told by implication that the way you are isn’t good enough unless you are meeting some arbitrary standard of perfection. You need to be empowered but also appealing and therefore not too empowered. Your body is literally sold, physically and/or digitally for the pleasure of anyone willing to pay. Everything about you is monetized. You are told you are too emotional to be intellectual, and jokes are made at your expense about your monthly cycle and mental state. You are told that your value and worth is in how men interact with and view you. I'm so sorry. While that is wrong, it isn't uncommon coming from the unregenerate. They do not know to value the Imago Dei because they don't know God.
So then we look to the church. Surely, those who believe that we are all made in the image of God, Imago Dei, would see the value and worth of women and not objectify them. Except, when we look, we don't always see that. We still often see objectification and most commonly in the form of purity and modesty culture or even quiver full. All of the things above are regurgitated in the church using slightly different jargon. Being Objectified comes in many ways, and it is not limited to putting our bodies on display for the entertainment or pleasure of men- it actually also includes keeping our bodies covered for the sake of men or finding value in what we contribute to the man. It is still being seen as an object.
We are all too often told:
*We must cover up, because men can't help but lust when they see us, and if they do lust, it is at least in part our fault.
*"Modest is hottest". (This is still sexualization btw)
*Our virginity is our greatest asset and identity.
*Dress nice and appealing, yet not too appealing as to attract attention. Women who dress in a way deemed inappropriate are labeled sluts, prostitutes, advertising what isn't for sale, and jezebels to name a few derogatory terms.
*Keep our body a secret, not show our womanly curves, and to leave something to the imagination, but don't look frumpy. After all, you want to be attractive.
*We are also told to keep our men's attention while not drawing attention from other men.
*"Your body was made for having babies, so have as many as you can."
*Jokes are made about "if the barn needs painting, by all means paint it", we're told to keep ourselves in shape and fixed up for our husbands, and to not "let yourself go" because then the men will seek physical beauty elsewhere.
*We are told to "leave something to the imagination", as if to imply that men don't want to see our bodies, they want to imagine it.
*We are told that wives are to be the antidote for men's sexual addictions by keeping them sexually satisfied to them to keep them from pornography and affairs.
*Wives are told that their bodies belong to their husbands, and therefore saying "I do" is all the consent men need. 1 Corinthians 7 is used out of context to justify this.
*It is implied that paedophilia and incest is simply a result of wives not doing their jobs in keeping their men sexually satisfied, and that children can 'ask for it' or contribute to the abuse.
*Young, prepubescent girls are told to dress modestly and cover up, implying that grown men will lust after them...
*Men are told that if they have sexual desires, they need to marry ASAP and then the wife would help curb those sexual feelings. She will be his willing, legal, and 'biblical' sex toy.
*And women are told by other women to be on the lookout for women trying to catch our men's attention, even being on the lookout for our fathers and brothers. Women were the enemy to both genders.
I don't know about you, but all of that gave me anxiety around men and hurt my marriage. I was always afraid- afraid of causing a man to stumble and lust, and afraid that I wouldn't be enough for my husband and he would find satisfaction elsewhere. It was crippling. I couldn't be around men without feeling somehow dirty, and I couldn't be around women without feeling like we were in some strange competition. I am so sorry if you ever felt that way.
We are objectified and dehumanized when men have to have rules about not ever being alone with a woman for any length of time; when men preach about modesty from the pulpit, often yelling about the "Jezebels" that are trying to ensnare and trap men into sin; when men can't or won't look at us when we talk but rather address the men around us; when we are relegated to women's luncheons and Bible studies that only look at the 'pink' portions of the Bible (i.e. how to be a good wife/mother or studying the lives of women in the Bible rather than talking theology and studying about Who God is and understanding the gospel or even being invited to do so with the men); or when men are taught to look away when we pass if we aren't "modest" enough. We aren't seen as whole people, only as our bodies and our 'roles'.
Purity Culture literally compares women to objects- roses that can be bruised and trampled; chewing gum that can be chewed up and spit out; tape that can lose it's stickiness; water that can be spat in...you get the picture. We are compared to objects that can be used and tossed aside. We are taught we are here for the use of men, but it isn't seen as being used if it is by our husbands. Being 'used' by someone not our husband apparently diminishes our worth and makes "good men" not find value in us because we haven't waited to be used by them first and solely. Having a marriage certificate and wedding ring seemingly gives our husbands the right to use us for the purpose of keeping them from using others. Only it isn't ever packaged that blatantly. To understand more of what I mean by this, read Sheila Wray Gregorie's book, "The Great Sex Rescue" and follow her blog, To Love, Honor & Vacuum.
In this post from Sheila, she discusses how too often it seems that in evangelical teaching, Jesus saves women so they can save men- “Here’s the problem: Whenever we tell women that they should do something to prevent sin in men, then we say that Jesus isn’t who sanctifies men; it’s women. And when we look at what far too many books and resources say, that’s certainly the impression I get.” Please take the time to read the article. She gives examples from popular books and teachers that demonstrate what has been said here is all too common.
All of this contributes to a pornographic style of relating. It leads to seeing women as something to be consumed. Something to be used to satisfy cravings and lusts rather than a person with feelings and desires herself. Seeing women as sexual objects, either to be avoided or to be used, disassociates and removes who they are as a person, ignoring thoughts of their desires and lacks the intimacy that sex is supposed to have. Yes, our bodies were made to have sex, but sex isn't principally what we were made for, and therefore shouldn't be the focus.
Ladies, this is all gospel-less. It implies that our worth is in what we do or don't do. It is pure law.
The Westminster Shorter Catechism Q & A 1 says:
Q. What is the chief end of man?
A. Man's chief end is to glorify God, and to enjoy Him forever.
We were made for God's glory. The law tells us what to do, and to be 'pure'. Purity and modesty culture also is law- only telling us what to do to be accepted. The problem is that we can't be. That is why we need the gospel. We needed a Redeemer to be pure for us. This is why the gospel is good news. This is also why we need to separate the law from the gospel. They are not the same. I don't feel that I can expound on the subject more than my friend Marissa did here: lawgospel-distinction-reformation.html or you can read more at the Heidelblog by R. Scott Clark.
Heidelberg Catechism Q1: What is your only comfort in life and in death?
A: That I, with body and soul, both in life and in death, am not my own, but belong to my faithful Savior Jesus Christ, who with His precious blood has fully satisfied for all my sins, and redeemed me from all the power of the devil; and so preserves me, that without the will of my Father in heaven not a hair can fall from my head; indeed, that all things must work together for my salvation. Wherefore, by His Holy Spirit, He also assures me of eternal life, and makes me heartily willing and ready from now on to live for Him.
Romans 8:1-4
The Life-Giving Spirit
Therefore, no condemnation now exists for those in Christ Jesus, because the Spirit’s law of life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and of death. What the law could not do since it was limited by the flesh, God did. He condemned sin in the flesh by sending His own Son in flesh like ours under sin’s domain, and as a sin offering, in order that the law’s requirement would be accomplished in us who do not walk according to the flesh but according to the Spirit.
Matthew 10:29-31
Are not two sparrows sold for a cent? And yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father. But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So do not fear; you are more valuable than many sparrows.
Luke 12:26-28
If then you cannot do even a very little thing, why do you worry about other matters? Consider the lilies, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; but I tell you, not even Solomon in all his glory clothed himself like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass in the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, how much more will He clothe you? You men of little faith!
1 Peter 1:17-19
If you address as Father the One who impartially judges according to each one’s work, conduct yourselves in fear during the time of your stay on earth; knowing that you were not redeemed with perishable things like silver or gold from your futile way of life inherited from your forefathers, but with precious blood, as of a lamb unblemished and spotless, the blood of Christ.
1 Corinthians 3:23
and you belong to Christ; and Christ belongs to God.
HC Q60: How are you righteous before God?
A: Only by true faith in Jesus Christ; that is, although my conscience accuse me, that I have grievously sinned against all the commandments of God, and have never kept any of them, and am still prone always to all evil; yet God without any merit of mine, of mere grace, grants and imputes to me the perfect satisfaction, righteousness, and holiness of Christ, as if I had never committed nor had any sin, and had myself accomplished all the obedience which Christ has fulfilled for me; if only I accept such benefit with a believing heart.
God loves His children. He sees us as whole people more than we see ourselves or others. He does not objectify us or use us. He loves us and cares for us, and gave His life for us, paying the ransom for our sins, paying the debt we could never pay. We cannot be more or less "pure" or loved in His eyes. And His eyes are the ones that matter.
So I will say again, I am so sorry for how so many have been objectified and used and abused by those who should have pointed us to Christ. But may I now point you to Him, and pray that you never stop looking to Him. God loves you. Not based on your clothing choices, your virginity, or how well you satisfy your husband, but on the basis of the blood of His Son that covers you. And I pray that more would come to understand that and then love as Christ commands us to love, and in that, they see you as a whole person, worthy of respect and honor, you, an Image Bearer. Imago Dei.
“Without realizing it, many of us still follow a sort of functional Gnosticism: We say God loves us, but we’ve internalized the belief that we have to punish our bodies because they don’t reach a certain standard. We ignore, shame, or disregard our humanity. As a result, when we speak of God’s love, we don’t mean that He loves all parts of us; we mean that He loves our spirits. Or we pray as though we value our flesh and bones, but we don’t think the pain we experience in our bodies affects our whole person.
We have internalized an implicit narrative that says the spiritual world is good and the physical world is bad. This is significant on many levels, but through the lens of trauma-informed faith, we can see that the consequences are dire. After all, for us as human beings, every issue we face affects the stories we hold in our bodies in some way.
We are not simply bodies walking around; we are our bodies. They are not all of who we are, but they are an essential part. We always pay a price when we try to live disembodied lives. The grief, anxiety, fear, or heartache we won’t let ourselves feel will come out in other ways. Each of our bodies is a system that longs for and is created to move toward healing. When we don’t allow our bodies to process their experiences, they will certainly tell us—even if it means through panic attacks, chronic illness, depression, or more. We know we can try to run from the wisdom and experiences of our bodies; after all, disconnection is one way we make it through uncomfortable relationships and experiences. But the truth is, our memories and experiences do not simply go away. Our bodies are their keepers, for better or worse.” ~ Aundi Kolber in Try Softer
Your body is a part of you. And God made you and said it was very good. Don't forget that.
Soli Deo Gloria. Always.
I also highly recommend the book, "Worthy", by Elyse Fitzpatrick and Eric Schumacher. Such a wonderful book discussing how Jesus sees women as whole people, worthy, cherished, and valuable.
To go along with this post, I recommend the book, "Why Can't We Be Friends?" by Aimee Byrd. I also recommend her books, "Recovering From Biblical Manhood and Womanhood" as well as "The Sexual Reformation".
Also, follow My Only Comfort. You will be glad you did. Sam will always point you to Christ.
I also highly recommend listening to Kaisis. Todd Bordow is such a blessing and is also gospel saturated.
And lastly, if you want to laugh, read this: “Should Christian Women Be Allowed To Have Butts?” It’s great satire 😉
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