Purely & Graciously His

By Jennifer Moodie   Grief is a strange thing.  I used to think of grief as only impacting those who had lost someone to death, or maybe even “loss” in the form of a broken relationship.  I haven’t lost someone very close to me to death, so why am I feeling such grief?  The last few days I have been grieving. I didn’t understand what was happening at first. I felt down. Depressed. Anxious. Lonely.  Hopeless. Despairing. Anguish. Panic. I feel sleepy. Melancholy. (none of these things were very strong or crippling…just present) My muscles ached. My eyes were blurry. My chest hurt. My jaw was clenched tight. My head hurt and I had horrible brain fog. All because I saw some pictures.  My phone does a “for you” album that shows pictures I have stored on it. I don’t alway pay attention to it because of where it is on the phone, but have the last few days. Seeing pictures from the past brought up all the emotions I was feeling at that time. It’s a symptom of PTSD. People make fun of the word

  by Jennifer Moodie 11/9/22 I have lived most of my life in constant fear.  I was afraid of everything.  Afraid of disobeying my parents for fear of punishment and their disapproval. I was afraid of God because I knew He was always watching, and what if He decided I was too sinful and rebellious and he killed me? And I was afraid I wasn’t repentant of my sin enough to deserve heaven and therefore I was afraid of Hell. Afraid of death. Afraid of the rapture. Afraid of looming persecution if democrats took over the government. Afraid of everything.  It has only been in the last few years I have learned to rest. Does it mean I’m never afraid? Absolutely not! I still am afraid of many things. But God has given me a sort of peace that I can’t explain. And I hope to share some of that with you.  I used to be afraid I wasn’t saved. I would lay awake at night, thinking about all the sin I had committed that day, and beg God to forgive me and save me if I wasn’t. I wrongly believed that to be