Learning To Rest
I was afraid of everything.
Afraid of disobeying my parents for fear of punishment and their disapproval.
I was afraid of God because I knew He was always watching, and what if He decided I was too sinful and rebellious and he killed me? And I was afraid I wasn’t repentant of my sin enough to deserve heaven and therefore I was afraid of Hell. Afraid of death. Afraid of the rapture. Afraid of looming persecution if democrats took over the government. Afraid of everything.
It has only been in the last few years I have learned to rest. Does it mean I’m never afraid? Absolutely not! I still am afraid of many things. But God has given me a sort of peace that I can’t explain. And I hope to share some of that with you.
I used to be afraid I wasn’t saved. I would lay awake at night, thinking about all the sin I had committed that day, and beg God to forgive me and save me if I wasn’t. I wrongly believed that to be a Christian was to not commit the same sin more than once- repentance, right? To turn away from your sin meant not to do it again…and since I kept doing the same things over and over, that had to be proof I wasn’t saved? Right? I falsely believed that when you got saved, God took sinful desires away and made you only desire good things that honor Him, so my continued sinfulness “proved” my lack of salvation.
But now I understand that while I am called to mortify my flesh and deny myself, my standing before God isn’t reliant upon how well I do those things. God saved me, and He is growing me, but I am still wrapped in my earthly, fallen flesh and until that is made new in the New Earth, I will always fight that. My assurance is no longer based on my ability to say no to sin, but rests fully on the One Who saved me. His righteousness covers me, and I am safe in Christ.
I used to be afraid of associating with “the world” for fear of them rubbing off on me and being a bad influence… also, the appearance of evil….
But God helped me see that if I was truly to be a light, I needed to be surrounded by darkness. A candle does no good in a brightly lit room. Also, He who saved me will keep me.
I used to be afraid of not being enough for my husband. That in turn made me afraid of others. I couldn’t rest my mind because I was being vigilant “for him”, always in the lookout for things that would take his eyes and his mind from me.
I have since come to understand that my husband’s fidelity does not rest on me but rather on him. It isn’t my job to “be enough” to keep him faithful. He is faithful because he loves Jesus, and that means he loves me.
I used to fear elections. I was always afraid of “the other guy winning” and how it might affect my very privileged life. What if “they” won and I lost my freedoms? What if “they” took over and we lost our voice, and our nation was no longer “Christian”?
Then I realized that Christ’s kingdom is not of this world, He is sovereign over all, and having a country that isn’t “Christian” in no way equals persecution. I can rest in the sovereignty of God in all things, and not put my trust in “kings”. This world is not my home at this time, and I can look forward to it all being made new.
I used to fear other’s knowing about my sin. I was afraid of others thinking less of me.
That was until I realized that we are all sinners, and my identity is in Christ not what people think of me.
I used to fear parenting. What if I did it wrong and they didn’t grow up to love Jesus, or they “rebelled”? What if I didn’t train them up in the way they should go and they departed from it? What if I missed it all up?
Well… I will mess it up, and I have… but again, God is sovereign! My job isn’t to make sure they are saved, but to show them the love of Jesus and raise them in a home where Jesus is the center. Their lives, salvation and all else is up to God, and I am glad not to carry that burden.
(This episode of Kaisis was very helpful in better understanding the Proverbs passage)
I used to fear being different. I hated being seen as different. I wore long jean skirts and culottes my entire life and understood being different, but always hated feeling like I was being seen as “odd”. Now, even though I wear jeans and shorts, I don’t mind being seen as different- as long as the difference they see is Christ in me. May people look at me and only see love, graciousness, gentleness, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, and self-control. That is the “different” I wish to be known for.
I used to be afraid of how others saw me. What if I wasn’t “enough”? I wanted to be liked, admired, respected and loved, and I was willing to change who I was to be whatever others wanted me to be. I was afraid of rejection.
But I see how that I am loved by the only One who matters. He has given me a gift of others in my life who love me because of who I am, not in spite of it. I have been recently rejected by people I never expected it from, and while it still stings, I am able to move on because I know the One who binds my wounds, heals the broken-hearted, who calls me His child, and Who is closer than a brother. I know He will never leave me or forsake me. He holds me in the palm of His very hand.
I used to be afraid to speak the truth. What if it hurt someone? What if it made people not like me? What if it made someone look bad?
Truth is truth, and if it should not be told then there is a big problem. However, I still fear being a clanging cymbal, and I seek to always have my speech seasoned with grace. But I am glad to know the Way, the Truth, and the Life. And I am not afraid of truth anymore.
I used to fear being seen as lazy and selfish. So I tried to do everything myself. I gave and gave and served and worked until I had nothing left. I feared rest. Physical rest and spiritual rest. I felt this insatiable need to constantly be doing something. I needed to be able to show what I had done with my time. And taking time for myself seemed selfish and “worldly”, and I didn’t want that label…I used to fear asking for help. I didn’t want to look like a freeloader or someone who took advantage of people. So I suffered alone.
Until I understood that to be a Christian is to be a part of a body; a community. And when we are a part of a body, when one part hurts, it affects the rest. We are to pray for each other, exhort one another, and lift each other up.
I no longer live in fear of people pleasing, of making God angry, of maybe not being a Christian, of struggling against the same sins (which now I understand is actually a good thing- if I wasn’t struggling but rather didn’t care, that would be bad. The fact I struggle against my sin is evidence of God’s work in my life), fear of the rapture and end times, of looking like the world, of rejection, or many other things.
Now the thing I most fear is people not seeing Jesus in me. Nothing else matters. I want to glorify God and enjoy Him forever. I want to point others to Christ and to rest in Him. I want others to know that there truly can be rest in Christ who has said to come to Him and He WILL give rest. It is possible to not live in constant fear, to have peace that passes all understanding, and to be able to cast our cares on Him because He cares for us. He cares for us enough to give us rest. I can rest in knowing that he who began the work in me will finish it; he knows the very hairs on my head; he is my advocate with the Father; he prays for me; he is my hiding place; my shelter- and He loves me more than I can comprehend.
Adverbial vs Prepositional Theology: What's The Difference? -1517
1 John 4:18
There is no fear in love; instead, perfect love drives out fear, because fear involves punishment. So the one who fears is not complete in love.
Philippians 1:6
I am sure of this, that he who started a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.
Matthew 11:28-30
“Come to me, all of you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, because I am lowly and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
1 John 2:1
My little children, I am writing you these things so that you may not sin. But if anyone does sin, we have an advocate with the Father — Jesus Christ the righteous one.
Luke 12:7
Indeed, the hairs of your head are all counted. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.
Psalms 119:114
You are my shelter and my shield;
I put my hope in your word.
Psalms 61:4
I will dwell in your tent forever
and take refuge under the shelter of your wings. Selah
Psalms 32:7
You are my hiding place;
you protect me from trouble.
You surround me with joyful shouts of deliverance. Selah
John 17:13-20
Now I am coming to you, and I speak these things in the world so that they may have my joy completed in them. I have given them your word. The world hated them because they are not of the world, just as I am not of the world. I am not praying that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one. They are not of the world, just as I am not of the world. Sanctify them by the truth; your word is truth. As you sent me into the world, I also have sent them into the world. I sanctify myself for them, so that they also may be sanctified by the truth.
“I pray not only for these, but also for those who believe in me through their word…”
John 10:27-30
My sheep hear my voice, I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they will never perish. No one will snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all. No one is able to snatch them out of the Father’s hand. I and the Father are one.”
Deuteronomy 31:6
Be strong and courageous; don’t be terrified or afraid of them. For the LORD your God is the one who will go with you; he will not leave you or abandon you.
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