Just Give Me Jesus (Part 1)
“Men lead! Men sacrifice! Provide and protect! Be more masculine”
This is the average content of books and blogs and podcasts aimed toward men.
At night when my son won’t stop jumping in his bed and getting up, I don’t need a protector or provider, I need a partner. A helper. My husband working to have money for bills is simply being a functioning adult. It doesn’t make him more of a provider than a single man working to pay the bills.
Protect…? Expound in what it means to protect because I am home alone with 4 kids for 9 hours of the day. He can’t be with me 24/7. I know many mean protect in terms of spiritually, but I have to learn discernment for myself as well and not rely on my husband to tell me what and how to think.
What I DO need is a husband who can come along side me and help in the kitchen, take care of our children, help with homework, understand when I have had a hard day and tell me to take some time alone, hug me and listen to me when I am struggling, and know how to do laundry and dishes or push a vacuum. And, unlike so many male bloggers who write on the topic of men and women, that isn’t my husband “sacrificing” for us. That is him being an adult, husband, and father. All those things are par for the course, not a “sacrifice”. It bothers me so much that men doing things that women do all day every day is framed as “sacrifice”. So a woman can take care of the house and kids all day every day and it is just expected and her “job”, but if a man does any of those things it is heralded as “sacrifice”. And if you say “well we talk about ‘servant leadership’”, then I would say ok, but men and women need to be servant leaders, and that can pretty easily be summed up in displaying the fruit of the Spirit. So that is Christ working in and through us.
Where are the articles and books calling men to protect their wives from toxic family members, or church leaders? Or the articles and books teaching women how to spot toxicity, abuse, and false teaching? Where are the articles telling men to step up and get up in the middle of the night with a crying baby, change diapers, load the dishwasher, do laundry, cook a meal, snuggle sick children, or scrub a toilet? Because as far as I can see the vast majority of those articles are aimed at women, telling them to find joy in those things because it is “kingdom work” (which it is!!) and men are just told to manage, lead, and protect.
You know what I don’t need? The man who isn’t home most of the day coming in and “managing” how I spend my day and deal with the kids. That would be like me walking into my husband’s job and telling him how he should be doing it. I don’t need a manager, I need a partner. Having a leader and not a partner has left so many marriages broken, and women burnt out. All these books and articles aimed at women to submit, and the same for men to lead are aimed at “ideal” families and seem to forget that when you set an “ideal” you alienate all those who don’t fit it. For all the calls for men to “step up”, “be masculine”, and “lead”, the bar has actually been set pretty low and the expectations seem…hard to pinpoint to be honest. And it is not healthy for either men or women.
My desire is that we stop setting ideals and simply preach Christ and Him crucified and trust the Holy Spirit to do the work he promises to do and trust that it will play out how each family needs. Stop making everything gendered. Women don’t need Jesus differently than men. We both need saving from our sins and assurance of that daily. How that plays out for each person may look different but only because people are different, not because men need Jesus one way and women need Jesus another. The fruit of the spirit and the armor of God are for every believer. And that is the work of God in us. Trust the Holy Spirit and stop trying to play Him.
Just give us Jesus. Jesus for me. Jesus for you.
Soli Deo Gloria
*disclaimer: I am NOT egalitarian. I don’t know what I am, because I am unsure that I need to have a label. But I cannot in good conscience say I am Complementarian, which will be in my part 2- detailing why, even though some may not claim it or teach it in the manner the founders intended, the very foundation is flawed. If a person who claims to be Complementarian but isn’t basing it on a Trinitarian heresy or ontological differences, then they are effectually not a good Complementarian 😊
And I am not desiring to misalign everyone and am fully aware that not all blogs, books, or articles are as I described, however, it seems to be the vast majority of them. I don’t need to be told that “not all….” because I am aware and am not saying that anyway. But there is enough that is. Enough that is toxic and harmful.
I will share resources that prove the foundation of Complementarianism, and the many places and ways it is pushed, and also healthy resources for those that want to know more.
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