Purely & Graciously His

By Jennifer Moodie   Grief is a strange thing.  I used to think of grief as only impacting those who had lost someone to death, or maybe even “loss” in the form of a broken relationship.  I haven’t lost someone very close to me to death, so why am I feeling such grief?  The last few days I have been grieving. I didn’t understand what was happening at first. I felt down. Depressed. Anxious. Lonely.  Hopeless. Despairing. Anguish. Panic. I feel sleepy. Melancholy. (none of these things were very strong or crippling…just present) My muscles ached. My eyes were blurry. My chest hurt. My jaw was clenched tight. My head hurt and I had horrible brain fog. All because I saw some pictures.  My phone does a “for you” album that shows pictures I have stored on it. I don’t alway pay attention to it because of where it is on the phone, but have the last few days. Seeing pictures from the past brought up all the emotions I was feeling at that time. It’s a symptom of PTSD...

  by Jennifer Moodie 11/9/22 I have lived most of my life in constant fear.  I was afraid of everything.  Afraid of disobeying my parents for fear of punishment and their disapproval. I was afraid of God because I knew He was always watching, and what if He decided I was too sinful and rebellious and he killed me? And I was afraid I wasn’t repentant of my sin enough to deserve heaven and therefore I was afraid of Hell. Afraid of death. Afraid of the rapture. Afraid of looming persecution if democrats took over the government. Afraid of everything.  It has only been in the last few years I have learned to rest. Does it mean I’m never afraid? Absolutely not! I still am afraid of many things. But God has given me a sort of peace that I can’t explain. And I hope to share some of that with you.  I used to be afraid I wasn’t saved. I would lay awake at night, thinking about all the sin I had committed that day, and beg God to forgive me and save me if I wasn’t. I wron...

 🚨🚨 Trigger and explicit Warning: this post talks about sex, porn, and betrayal trauma 🚨🚨  That sick feeling in your stomach when you find out, or find out again. The simultaneous anguish and numbness you feel. The disassociation and feeling of “Dear God, will it ever end? Will he ever have eyes for me and me alone?” The way you recoil when he touches you. The resentment; mental anguish; self loathing; and despair.  “Are you taking care of him like you should?” “Are you letting yourself go…? Be sure to keep up your physical appearance to keep his eyes on you.” “You have no idea how hard it is for men.”  “They are visual creatures! And they are bombarded with sex at every turn.” “He needs you to be there for him, because you are the only fulfillment he is allowed to have, and if you aren’t there for him, then we can’t really expect that he won’t find it elsewhere.” “You love him when you give him sex, even if you don’t want to.” “It is your job as the wife to meet his...

  My Quiet Place My family sits to watch tv But there can be no rest for me. I sit then hear the call Of the toddler screaming in the hall. While I’m up I check the oven Cuz food is how I show my lovin’.  Then the kitchen needs a scrub From cooking all the grub. My butt hits the chair once more But my brain reminds me of my chores. Is the kitchen clean? The dog in? Is there laundry in the washer again?  My mind decides to flip through  The very long list of things to do.  I need to make a menu and feel Overwhelmed by making meals. Bed time comes at last!  I want to just relax With the man of my dreams But my mind won’t quit, it seems. Did I lock the door?  Leave the basement lights on once more? My husband nuzzles me close and sighs But I hear music when I close my eyes… There is always a song playing in my head Even when I’m lying down in bed.  I want to be present with my man  But my mind wanders and I doubt I can. Am I pretty enough for hi...

by Jennifer Moodie As I was reading the Psalms (or listening to them being read to me on the amazing app, Dwell ), a phrase kept popping up that I have heard before, but never registered-partly because I had heard it from the KJV which states it differently... The phrase is "His faithful love". Some translations say "His steadfast love", some say "His loving kindness", and the KJV says "His mercy" or "merciful kindness". I love "steadfast/faithful" love as it reminds me that when I am not being faithful in my love for Him, He is faithful in His love for me. I have been pondering that for a while now.  Psalms 117 Praise the LORD, all nations! Glorify him, all peoples! For his faithful love to us is great; the LORD’s faithfulness endures forever. Hallelujah! Psalms 118:1 Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his faithful love endures forever. Psalms 13:5 But I have trusted in your faithful love; my heart will rejoice in your ...

image by Sofikul7531 by Jennifer Moodie 10/17/2022 To the dear, precious, beloved sister who feels unseen. I see you.  To the woman who is called “super-mom” when really she needs a partner, I see you.  To the woman who’s husband‘s arms aren’t a safe place, but rather a place of anxiety and dread, I see you.  To the woman who’s husband doesn’t hit you, but he hurts you often in a way far worse than you ever imagined, I see you.  To the woman with post-partum depression who feels like you’re drowning and can’t reach the surface,  I see you.  To the woman who has sex out of fear, obligation, and duty rather than love,  I see you.  To the woman who is told “your body is not your own but belongs to your husband to be used whenever and however he sees fit”, I see you. To the woman who has been objectified in every way by men and women who are supposed to be your brothers and sisters in Christ, and from the man who vowed to cherish ...

Biblical Manhood and Womanhood: Good Goal, or Distraction? by Jennifer Moodie 10/1/22 In today's climate, the push for Masculinity and Femininity, or Biblical Manhood and Womanhood (MF/BM&W), is very very strong. It's everywhere. Books are being published on the topic. Books and articles are written on how to raise your children to be in the "role" (i.e. gender role) God has supposedly placed them in.  I was listening to a great podcas t recently on the topic of the Law and Gospel.  Something that came to mind as I was listening was how this relates to the “biblical manhood/womanhood/masculinity and femininity” part of complementarianism. As far as I can tell, it is all law. It lacks gospel. It says “you are justified, but now here is a second stage of works- do ___ to be masculine/feminine and if you don’t then you are in sin”. It comes across as a sort of synergistic sanctification. In other words, "God saved you, now you work to be a good man/woman". ...